Today we buried my baby in the backyard :(
sad day

past time

I have been knitting. I haven't been on here in a while because I am working on my loin clothes and scarves!

so there was this woman, and she was on an airplane
and she's flying to meet her fiancé
sailing above the largest ocean on planet earth
and she was seated next to this man who, you know, she had tried to start a conversation with
and only the only thing she had heard him say was just the words to order his bloody mary
and she was sitting there and she was reading this really arduous magazine article
about a third world country that she couldn't even pronounce the name of
she's feeling very bored and very despondent
and then suddenly there was this huge mechanical failure and one of the engines gave out
and they just started falling thirty-thousand feet
the pilot's on the microphone and he's saying
“I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Oh my god. I'm sorry” apologizing
and she looks at the man and says, she says "Where are we going?"
and he looks at her and he says "We're going to a party. It's a birthday party. It's your birthday. Happy birthday Darlin'. We love you very very very very very very very much."
and then he starts humming this little tune and it kinda goes like this
it kinda goes, 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4.

we must talk in every telephone, get eaten off the web
we must rip out all the epilogues from the books that we have read
into the face of every criminal strapped firmly to a chair
we must stare, we must stare, we must stare

we must take all of the medicines too expensive now to sell
set fire to the preacher who is promising us hell
and into the ear of every anarchist that sleeps but doesn't dream
we must sing, we must sing, we must sing
(it'll go like this, alright)

while my mother waters plants, my father loads his gun
he says Death will give us back to God
just like the setting sun is returned to the lonesome ocean

(And then they splashed into the deep blue sea
oh it was a wonderful splash)

we must blend into the choir; sing as static with the whole
we must memorize nine numbers and deny we have a soul
and in this endless race for property and privilege to be won
we must run, we must run, we must run

we must hang up in the belfry where the bats in moonlight laugh
we must stare into a crystal ball and only see the past
into the caverns of tomorrow with just our flashlights and our love
we must plunge, we must plunge, we must plunge

and then we'll get down there, way down to the very bottom of everything and then we'll see it
oh we'll see it we'll see it

oh my morning’s coming back
the whole world’s waking up
all the city buses swimming past
I'm happy just because
I've found out I am really no one

Need not to play with my stitches

They're driving me loco.
The surgery went well, it's all looking good. She threw in some extra teeth for free, chea.
We immediately went down to to Stockton and saw da homies. Very fun! All my goals were met. But as with all my 209-503 visits I pretty much get crazy allergies to a sinus infection. Without fail the day after I get off the anti-bodys for the surgery, a sinus infection comes! Just when I thought I escaped.

Back to my bubble I'm NEVER leaving again..til next time.
Got good news before I went. My manager sat me down about being part-time to see what we can do can to help me get to where I want to be, full time. She must be psychic because this was something I have been ignoring in my head for some time now but know needed to be done. I'm really glad she did. I think she knows I have been having a tough time.

This had happened in my head a hundred times, I know the options. Good to know I have her support but sad to know I more than likely need to work between two branches to get the full 40 if I want to stay at this branch or work somewhere else in the company. It just seems draining and stressful at the thought to go back and forth between two branches. I'm pretty sure I don't want to take that path.
I enjoy where I am, but knowing all the while full time is basically not going to happen any time soon is not being proactive. I need to do something. Knowing I need to do something and not doing anything about it is just stupid. It's harder and harder as time goes on and I'm not able to get to where I want to be. This part time thing is the one thing holding me back. I can't afford to lift my feet off the ground, literally. I'm setting my goal to be this new year. A decision needs to be made by then. I already know the answer. I'm just not quite ready for it yet.

Til then I will be very excited to focus on other challenges that I look forward to, like gifts and such, or re-taking my "m class" test and practicing for it so I can be what the lady at DMV calls me "Motacycle Mama". Sadly she recognizes me. A little scary she is more concerned with getting my tattoos in the picture than my face. Oh silly DMV lady. But I guess I would be a little crazy if I worked at DMV too.

Well surgery for my hulk handmenship is on Monday but for some reason one of my gums that I suggested her to work on first iis now swollen. Funny how that happens. Maybe we will do the second step first like my original guess. Maybe she's a Taurus too and is just trying to piss me off. I have no idear why this woman pissed me off some much. She had a I'm right you're wrong attitude and me being a Taurus who is not a huge fan of most females had to have the last say. Then she would need to top me. If you work with the public and expect thousands from me you may want to be a little more friendly and less of a bitch. That's right I said it. I've never had a doctor I didn't like other than the "Elvis" doctor and he was a joke. Aak if you want the story, I don't want to get too into it today.

Dear Freeda,

I look forward more than any other to see your smiling face.

I look forward to pulling up that drive way and seeing that place where the heart is. Seeing my Maloneys!


We may even go to ellay ;) and be super fancy. I would have to see my girls!

Miles and Robin maybe :)
And I'm gonna meet Lucy! I am so excited to meet LUCY! <3
Seeing my monster!

My baba of course.
Keeping it calm and low.
I don't really care I failed my M test. I'm just looking forward to a wholesome trip :)
Here we come, right back where we started from.

Baby B over and out.

:3

So far so good at two wheel school! I have yet to drop a bike, or do a superman across someone's yard this time for that matter. I rode about 66 miles today doing circles and swerves and learning to shift. I got up to about 35 and I am a "great shifter!" woot! Got up to third gear. I had to weave around the cones. I was very nervous but I didn't hit one! So all and all very good as long as I don't stare at the translator. There is a deaf guy in my class so he has a sign language lady who is very nice and fun to watch. Other than that I turned out to be the only girl. And although I'm the smallest I got one of the larger cc bikes. I got a black Suzuki gz250. It's kinda ugly but it's a fun little bike. Looking forward to tomorrow for the end of class. I've been studying cuz I'm kind of nervous but I'm pretty confident I will pass. When I do I get that "M" and a new
license/pic thank monkeys!

Today I yam nerd. I just want ice cream, books, and cat naps.
Maybe kitty smuggles too :3

I have the next two days off. Going off into the shelter of the trees.

Msnbc

I've been pretty sick lately. Not much here but I am getting better. Yay! Went To my monsters of folk show on weds and cried of course three songs in when I heard the opening of landlocked blues. I cried during bright eyes. Sissy. Best show I've ever been to by far, complete and full hands down. I couldn't have left happier!
Jeff brown came to visit so I showed him around Portland after getting lost three times because I am directionally challenged. Good fun and I always enjoy the company of nice people.
I signed up for team Oregon motorcycle classes and paid for them today so I start next weekend. Woot!
I'm I'm my phizzone so I don't have any visuals today. Boo! So I'll make up for it next time. Wish me luck.
Maybe next time you hear from me I will have that fancy "m" endorsement.

Amber hugs

I love you mama.

Life is scattered, like bobby pins are in your bathroom drawer
the same bobby pins that hold everything together.
No one is ever perfect and there is never a right answer for anything.
I miss you and know things will get easier sometime. If you ever need that little piece of hope you call me and oh I will give it to you. It's hard not being close enough to give you hugs and loves but I will try my best to make you smile from here. It warms my sissy heart to know I can help even if only for a bit. I need another letter. I'm hooked. I hope you're happy.

I'm gonna look for another part time job again.
Let's hope it's nothing like the last time.

I'm all over fffound today and finding nothing which is kind of a bummer because it's normally my gold mind.
I saw Robin and DBC on Firday. I was so happy to get tons of hugs and have a piece of home so close. People here just don't hug the same.

Halloween cards were mailed out! I was very eager to get started this year!
I also bought a beer tic-tac-toe set on my lunch, I have no idear when I will ever use it but oh man it's awesome. It's a board game with mugs that are either x or o. I love beer and I love tic-tac-toe.

Went to my dentist appointment yesterday and to fix two of my gums it is going to cost $1600. Insurance will pay $741.52 (remainder of my limit for the year). I will need four of these, maybe five of these surgeries. She won't do all of them in one go (I tried) because she "doesn't like to". I may go elsewhere. I think a friend did way more teeth for way more cheaper so I need to find out..so I may end up having a vacay this year after all if I cannot afford the surgery.
P.S. Special Olympics if you are reading this stop calling my house three times a day or I will blow you up.

please keep calling, I'm rich. I dare you.

Moving on

It started to rain today.

I'm ready.

I love the smell of all the wood stoves and fire places. I'm ready for fall. I love all the leaves. It's perfect hoody weather. It makes me want hot chocolate and snuggles. I'm not too sure I need nine straight months of it though or winter that is. So me and the mister just might need a getaway. But I'm scared my vacay is already spoken for.

I am more than likely going to have gum surgery in November to fix and or slash repair receding gum lines because I brush with my hulk hands. So i need to fix it before I look like Flavor Flav and before you know it my broke ass will be on VH1 wearing a hella big clock that's half the size of me. I think i may have discovered how to prevent future Flavor Flavs.

Recently

I decided to make one of these. Summer came and went. I've been bad at the most part for keeping in touch with people. I seem to be getting caught up in work while I'm in a rut with most of my art. Not much has happened but it seems as if a lot has. I've sorta got my pen pals. I've kinda got my dwindling friends. I'm not so sure I need anyting else right now.